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Making Amends: A Crucial Part of the 12 Steps

By November 3, 2025February 12th, 2026No Comments

When Jason Wahler first joined the cast of Laguna Beach as a senior in high school, his mental health and addiction struggles were already underway. His addiction also “drove me to suicide,” he revealed to Entertainment Tonight in 2016. Guilt for our wrongs can be one of the most deceptive recovery demons to bear because it damages us from the inside, where it happily hides.

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After some six months of violent exertion with scores of alcoholics which I found at a nearby mission and Townes Hospital, it began to look like the Groupers were right. In Brooklyn we always had a houseful of drinkers living with us, sometimes as many as five. My valiant wife, Lois, once arrived home from work to find three of them fairly tight. Though events http://aldana.mx/15-early-warning-signs-and-symptoms-of-dementia/ like these slowed me down somewhat, the persistent conviction that a way to sobriety could be found never seemed to leave me. My sponsor, Ebby, still clung precariously to his new-found sobriety.

where did living amends in aa come from

Why the 8th Step Can Feel Overwhelming—And How to Overcome It

Step 5 is just the action of sharing a 4th step with a sponsor. Throughout this inventory, certain character flaws and patterns of behavior will become apparent. Knowledge of these things is essential for moving into the remainder living amends of the steps.

  • Practice accepting other’s responses to your efforts and remember that you have done all you can.
  • You may also have the opportunity in the future to make more direct amends with certain people in time.
  • There are situations where making an amend might cause more harm than good.
  • Words will only go so far and remember that not everyone is quick to forgive and move on.

What is Step 9 in AA?

Positive reinforcement is a great motivator to practice the spiritual principle of forgiveness as much as possible. By forgiving others we start to recognize our own humanness, and it gives us the capacity to be less judgmental than we were in the past. We become aware that since we usually mean well, we can extend that belief to others. There may be times when approaching another person directly or seeking to provide restitution could be painful or harmful for that person. For example, there may be a situation where the person (or people) we’ve harmed are not aware of what we did, and learning about it might possibly harm them even more. Or there could be situations that were complicated by other addicts, or accusations of stealing Substance abuse more than just money.

where did living amends in aa come from

  • When a loved one is in recovery, they are working on their mind, body, and spiritual connection to themselves and others.
  • But out of it all there came a ten-strike for Alcoholics Anonymous.

If you put the time and effort into rebuilding your relationship, you can slowly but surely cross this bridge. Many people find that these two steps are some of the most difficult challenges in recovery. After all, you have to face your past and the hurt that you may have caused to others, whom you care about. This might bring to the surface feelings of guilt and feeling badly about yourself.

Ways to Help a Loved One After Addiction Treatment

where did living amends in aa come from

Before you begin making amends, you should first follow step 8 and make a list of who you hurt when you were struggling with addiction. You must also get to the crux of what you did to hurt them, so that you best understand their pain and can avoid making the same mistakes in the future. It might be wise to try to imagine yourself in his or her shoes. Write down feelings that you think they may have experienced, such as distrust, betrayal, sadness, disappointment, etc. Creating your Step 8 amends list is a powerful part of the recovery journey, but it can also present challenges. While the process may seem straightforward, it’s easy to fall into certain traps that can slow progress or lead to unnecessary stress.

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